THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN


HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY- 
All you have to do is be: 

 1. a friend 
 2. a companion 
 3. a lover 
 4. a brother 
 5. a father figure 
 6. a teacher 
 7. an Educator 
 8. a cook 
 9. a gardener 
10. a carpenter 
11. a driver 
12. an engineer 
13. a mechanic 
14. an interior decorator 
15. a stylist 
16. a sex therapist 
17. a gynecologist/obstetrician 
18. a psychologist 
19. a psychiatrist 
20. a therapist 
21. a good father 
22. a gentleman 
23. well organised 
24. tidy 
25. very clean 
27. athletic 
28. affectionate 
29. affable 
30. attentive 
31. ambitious 
32. amenable 
33. articulate 
34. bold 
35. brave 
36. creative 
37. courageous 
38. complimentary 
39. capable 
40. decisive 
41. intelligent 
42. imaginative 
43. interesting 
44. prudent 
45. patient 
46. polite 
47. passionate 
48. respectful 
49. sweet 
50. strong 
51. skilful 
52. supportive 
53. sympathetic 
54. tolerant 
55. understanding 
56. someone who loves shopping 
57. someone who doesn't make problems 
58. someone who never looks at other women 
59. very rich AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST PAY ATTENTION TO MAKE SURE YOU:
60. are neither jealous nor disinterested 
61. get on well with her family, but don't spend more time with them than with her
62. give her space, but show interest and concern in where she goes

ABOVE ALL IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO

63. Not forget the dates of * anniversaries (wedding, engagement, 
    first date...) *graduation * birthday * menstruation. 
 
However, even if you observe the above instructions perfectly, you are 
not 100% guaranteed that she will be happy, as she could one day feel 
overcome with the suffocating perfection of her life with you and run 
off with the first wild-bastard-bohemian-drunk-bon vivant she meets... 



HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY- 
1. Let him have sex with you 



RULES FOR MEN

We always hear "the rules" from the female side.  Now here are 
the rules from the male side.  These are "OUR" rules!!

Please note...these are all numbered "1" on purpose.

1.  Learn to work the toilet seat.  You're a big girl.  If it's up, put it down. We need
     it up, you need it down.  You don't hear us complaining about your leaving it down.

1.  Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1.  A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.  See a doctor.

1.  Sunday = sports.  It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.  Let it be.

1.  Shopping is NOT a sport.  And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1.  Crying is blackmail.

1.  Ask for what you want.  Let us be clear on this one.  Subtle hints do not work! 
    Strong hints do not work!  Obvious hints do not work!  Just say it!!

1.  Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1.  Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.  That's what we do.  
    Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1.  Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.  In fact, all comments 
    become null and void after 7 days.

1.  If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap 
    opera guys.

1.  If you think you're fat, you probably are.  Don't ask us.

1.  If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or 
    angry, we meant the other one.

1.  You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.  Not both.  If
    you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1.  Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1.  ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.  Peach, for example, is a
    fruit, not a color.  Pumpkin is also a fruit.  We have no idea what mauve is.

1.  If it itches, it will be scratched.  We do that.

1.  If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.  We
    know you are lying, but it's not worth the hassle.

1.  If you ask questions you don't want an answers to, expect answers you don't want to hear.

1.  When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.  Really.

1.  Don't ask us what we're thinking - unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as
    baseball, sports, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1.  You have enough clothes.

1.  You have too many shoes.

1.  I am in shape.  Round is a shape.

1.  Thank you for reading this.  Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did
    you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.


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